Am I "Too Expensive" or Are They "Too Cheap"? A Look at Priorities.

Cheapskates Need Not Apply

It happened again last night. A bride writes to me and asks if I'm available to do her ceremony. I write back and tell her yes, I am, and I quote my rate. I then get a note back telling me that I do not fit her budget. That's fine-- I'm not the least expensive officiant in town, not by a long shot. But here's the kicker: she then asks me to list for her cheaper alternatives.

Uh, you know what? Not my job. I'm not here to be your resource for finding someone to hire to do the job that I do. Well, okay, I will make recommendations if I am already booked for a couple's date/time. But otherwise folks? You're on your own.

This sounds a little cranky, right? And if you read ANY other post I've put up prior to this you'll notice the tone is never, ever cranky. It's joyful and grateful. I love my job. I love it love it love it. I'm in year seven, I've done hundreds and hundreds of ceremonies, I never burn out. But there are a few things that do annoy me. Top on the list is being told that I am "too expensive." And so I am putting up this post so that in the future when someone tells me I am "too expensive" I can simply send them a link to this informative piece. 

If you Google "wedding expenses" and look at the results for "images," you will find a lot of charts and graphs, most of which do not even list the cost of an officiant. Why not? Because the cost of an officiant is usually THE SMALLEST WEDDING EXPENSE of all. Less than invitations. Less than the dress. Way less than the venue. Way less than the food. You get the idea. The wedding officiant comes in at less than 1% of the overall budget.

Now consider this-- of all the things you think you need to have a wedding, really, you only NEED the following:

1. A willing partner.

2. To be in a state that recognizes your right to marry (if you're gay, you'll have to go outside of Texas, sorry).

3. A marriage license.

4. AN OFFICIANT.

Yes, that's right. You do not NEED a venue. Or a fancy dress. Or a twelve-tier cake. Or a wedding planner. Or a DJ. And yet if you are like so many couples, you will dish out a pile of dough for all of those things. And that's just fine. If you know you want a big party and you're willing to do what you need to do to make that happen, super awesome for you.

What chaps me is getting a note from a bride (and it's always a bride) telling me that she has rented Venue X, which I know for a fact costs many thousands of dollars, and that I have come highly recommended, and that she really wants me... until. Until she finds out my price tag. (One bride, in two different notes to me, referred to her mother as "the budget Nazi" and I wanted to write back and suggest that really, tossing around the word Nazi probably isn't a good idea.)

I know what some folks think. They think that the officiant is only there for a half-hour, so it should cost around $75. Guess what? You can have a friend get ordained and that friend can perform your wedding for free, at least in Texas. And you can find super cheap officiants. Or you can go to a judge for under $100. And you are welcome to do that. But do not, I repeat do not accuse me of being "too expensive."

So what do you get for my modest fee? You get hours of my time-- in meetings, via email and phone-- as we figure out exactly how you want your ceremony to go. You get my brains, my talent and my energy. You get someone who has done this hundreds upon hundreds of times. You get someone who can run interference with high maintenance relatives (I can't tell you how often I am cornered by Holy Roller uncles that want to talk my head off about religion. I always smile politely.) You get someone who drives dogs home, puts flower girls and ring bearers at ease, reassures parents, and can run a rehearsal at least as well as a wedding planner that will charge about twenty times (literally) my rehearsal price to do the same. You get to tap into a bottomless well of knowledge, someone who can recommend other vendors. You get someone who will show up early, put you at ease, and file your license on the drive home. 

I get far more requests than I can handle in a year. I have piles of five-star ratings at Wedding Wire  and another pile over at Yelp. I have worked really, really hard to educate myself, create amazing ceremonies, and learn all sorts of ways to make your wedding ceremony absolutely perfect.

So before you explain to me that I'm not worth it, that you spent all your money on decorations (a real thing I've heard), and before you decide that the officiant's role just isn't that important, please stop and consider something. Your vows-- this is really, truly what your wedding should be about first and foremost. You are standing up, committing yourself to another human. Yes, you can hire someone to show up with a pre-written script and you can go along with it. But if you want something that genuinely reflects who you two are, how you feel, what you mean to each other, and what you truly wish to vow-- then I strongly suggest you go with someone you are sure can help you with these things. I'm not the only Austin officiant capable of this-- there are a number of great officiants out there. Just remember, you do get what you pay for.