When I meet with potential clients for an initial howdy, I want to give them a feel for my vibe, answer any questions they have, learn a bit about them, and emphasize my strengths. I even have a corny canned joke I trot out pretty much every single time that goes like this, "I'll tell you my strengths and hide from you my weaknesses!" (Haha-- as if I have any weaknesses! JK, JK.)
Of my strengths I think the most important are these two: 1) I never forget it's not my wedding-- which is to say I don't dominate, proselytize, or in anyway try to impose unwanted opinions on a couple and 2) I AM FLEXIBLE!! To the point that I have never had a request that made me feel so uncomfortable I declined a gig. (There was that one rehearsal where I nearly punched a DJ's lights out, but that's a different story for another day). In truth, I don't get too many odd requests. My very first paid wedding gig, the couple wanted me to do a little comedy routine where, when I asked the congregation to be seated, some remained standing. This was pre-arranged and my job was to look at those stubborn standers, sigh loudly and say, "Alright, alright! Simon SAYS sit down!" And of course I get a decent number of requests to include dogs-- to me that's hardly difficult or unusual as I think all weddings should include dogs.
But I have to say that when I got an email a few months ago asking me if I'd be willing to don a unicorn mask for a ceremony, it gave me pause. Not pause as in, "No way-- you can't pay me enough." Pause as in, "Okay, which of my friends is trying to punk me?" (This recalls another situation, a long time ago, when I answered the phone and the caller identified himself as Tim Rice, as in THE Tim Rice, and I talked to him for the first few minutes in a very, "Right, right, and I'm the fucking Queen of England" tone until I realized it WAS Tim Rice. I'll tell you some other time while Tim Rice was calling me.) Anyway, so I wanted to answer that email in a way that suggested-- if it was a real request-- that I was up for the task but that if it was a prank email that I wasn't born yesterday.
As it turns out, the unicorn mask was a real request. And the wedding happened yesterday. It was scheduled for 4:20, but we were running little late, as so often is the case. Maybe people who want to get married at 4:20 should tell their guests it starts at 4:03. Hell, probably all couples should lie about the start time-- sort of a reverse bar time trick. I can't tell you how many times I see stragglers come strolling up in the middle of the ceremony or even after it's done.
So there you go, people-- I am so flexible that if you want me to wear a costume that suggests I am a mythical creature at your wedding, I am all over it. In fact, wearing the mask was quite easy compared to another unforeseen task: being in the room with balloons. It never dawned on the couple to ask me if I have any unusual phobias and it never dawned on me to tell them. But, in fact, I have this kooky ailment called globophobia. Which is to say I am more or less terrified of balloons. I've worked hard to overcome this phobia, or at least adapt, but still-- when faced with a sudden bouquet of balloons as I was yesterday, I have to stop and do some deep breathing. There was also a huge mylar balloon (in the shape of a unicorn... natch)-- fortunately mylar balloons are less scary for me so I was able to take a nice close up picture.
The space-- Mercury Hall (one of my very favorites)-- was done up quite lovely. Most folks opt to get married there outside, under the big trees. But some, like yesterday's couple, chose the inside, which feels a little churchy without feeling actually churchy. The cake was just wonderful. I don't think it's my imagination-- I think wedding cakes these days are far more creative and over-the-top than in the old days.
And thus concludes another installment of WHY I LOVE MY JOB! Tomorrow I've got two ceremonies in the Hill Country and one of them involves horses. Can't wait.
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